6 years ago…
His lips grazed mine. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“I want to give you what you deserve,” he said.
My back was against the cold wall. His body pressed against mine. I felt his warmth and desire.
He wanted me.
I wanted to be loved.
His hardness pushed against my thigh.
Kenneth leaned down and kissed me. His touch was loving and for the first time in days I felt secure and safe by a man’s touch. He knew what I needed. It was good to feel gentle touches and not pain and fear.
For a year and a half I had been in an abusive relationship with a man 15 years older than me. He used my youth and gullibility to take control over me leaving me less than a woman. That is how I felt.
Less than a woman.
Tonight I ran. I ran right to Mikey hoping to find solace after telling my abusive boyfriend I didn’t care what he threatened me with. I was leaving him and he could go fuck himself.
He was dangerous and threatened to harm me if I left. He had an encounter with Mikey once that left both of them banged up and bruised. Mikey made his feelings clear, however. If he ever touched me again, he would kill him. The beatings didn’t stop but he seemed to fear Mikey after that. I was grateful for the protection but I knew there had come a time when I needed to stand up for myself. So, I left.
My bravado was lined with fear as I told him I was walking out for good. My fear left me in a weakened state. I called Mikey and he told me to go immediately to his place. He insisted I would be safe there. I went and while hiding from one man I ended up in the arms of another.
I kissed him back hungrily. My body ached for it.
“You deserve to know what it feels like to have a real man...” he said cutting me off.
He kissed me again.
“Touch you…” he continued.
He ran his hand up my thigh, under my skirt and into my panties.
“Oh,” I said.
He kissed me on the mouth once again and then dropped down to his knees. He lifted my skirt and put my leg on his shoulder.
I threw my head back as his tongue licked me through my wet panties. It felt so good but in the back of my mind I knew just letting a man seduce me and take me without a fight was what got me involved with my ex-boyfriend. Kenneth was a womanizer. I was just another pussy to be used and abused. Sex, my weakness, is what left me attached to a man who beat me. Kenneth was preying on my weakness and I had to find my strength.
I pushed him back and walked over to the futon. I sat down and grabbed my comfort pillow I brought from my apartment. I hugged it tight to my chest.
“I can’t do this,” I cried.
“What can’t you do Maxine? A minute ago you wanted me just as much as I wanted you.”
I avoided his eyes. I still wanted him but lust was a dangerous emotion.
“You are a fucking womanizer Kenneth. You are just as dangerous as my...”
I could tell my words made him very angry. He took a few steps toward me.
“Don’t compare me to him!” he interrupted. “I am nothing like that motherfucker. I don’t lay my hands on defenseless women. I don’t take advantage of young impressionable students. He’s a motherfucking monster parading as a professor!”
Tears began to slide down my cheeks.
“I didn’t mean to imply that,” I whispered.
I buried my face in my pillow and cried. He came to sit down next to me. He was quiet for a few minutes while I cried.
“I know I have been with…dated a lot of women,” he began. “You’re different Maxine.”
I turned to look at him.
“That’s a terrible line,” I responded.
He reached over and wiped tears from my cheeks.
“It’s not a line Maxi. I’ve wanted you since the day I met you. I’ve wanted to make you mine.”
His words, I knew deep down, meant nothing. They all say that. They all say whatever they thought you wanted to hear just to get in your panties.
“Well, I’m not interested,” I said standing.
I walked down the hall to Mikey’s bedroom. I needed to distance myself from Kenneth. Being with him was the last thing I needed right now.
Suddenly I felt myself being lifted.
“What are you doing?” I asked trying to get down.
He tossed me over his shoulder.
“I believe in showing not telling,” he replied.
I tried to get away from him but it was useless. His grip was tight and he carried me to his bedroom.
He plopped me down on what he considered to be his bed. In reality, it was just a mattress and box spring on the floor. His bedroom was what you would typically see in a bachelor pad. It was void of all personality and held an odor of sweat and dirty socks.
I knew this room.
I’d slept in this room.
When my boyfriend would chase me out with his fist, Mikey always welcomed me over and insisted his roommate had no problem with me sleeping here. Kenneth was never home. He was always sleeping over at some girl’s apartment or dorm room.
He stepped back and began to strip down to his boxers. Once I saw his body, my arousal returned and I again began to imagine my legs wrapped around his waist. He was chiseled. Mikey said he was a gym rat, but I was finally seeing the evidence first hand. His dark chocolate skin glistened on its own accord and his brown eyes gave away his deep thoughtful nature.
He climbed on the bed and onto my body. His movements made it seem as if he had more than two hands. They were everywhere. On my breast, taking off my clothes and sliding between my legs.
“Oh, please…” I moaned. I didn’t realize just how much I ached for this. It had been so long since I was touched this way.
His fingers gently parted my pussy lips and glided inside of me. He took his time moving his fingers in and out maximizing my bliss. He shifted his hand from one breast and replaced it with his mouth. His tongue teased my nipple and then his teeth tugged on it sending ripples of ecstasy throughout my body. For some reason the pleasure also reminded me of the pain and the heartache.
I began to cry. My crying, however didn’t stop my orgasm. I could still feel it building and the combination made me shake.
“Don’t cry,” Kenneth whispered. “He can’t hurt you now. I have you, baby.”
With those words I came hard and fast. I moaned. He covered my mouth with kisses. Then he moved down my body. He spread my legs and dipped his head between them. He stayed down there for a minute licking my pussy, tasting my cum, teasing my sensitive clit.
When he was done, he removed his boxers. I laid there riding my orgasmic wave while he slid on a condom. Then he was between my legs and pressing his hard, large dick against the opening of my wet pussy. I was too tight for this new arrival. That only pleased him more. He pushed until he was fully inside of me.
“Oh,” I moaned.
As he entered me, a sigh of pleasure escaped from his lips. He grabbed each leg and pushed further as if to make sure he was as deep as he could go.
“Shit! That feels so good,” he moaned.
I couldn’t respond. I was once again close to coming.
“You’re going to make me come again,” I moaned.
I could tell he took my words as a challenge. His thrusts were increasing in strength and power. My body responded by releasing me and bringing me to my peak. I came loudly and forcefully. He didn’t stop. He continued to thrust and pound me with both my legs on his shoulders. Then he dropped down to a much slower pace. His eyes were on his dick sliding in and out of me. I guess he liked to watch himself work.
My hands were gripping the sheets. He was so deep I felt discomfort and pleasure all at the same time. He then dropped my legs and I wrapped them around his waist. I could hear the increase in his breathing but he was nowhere near close to coming.
There was a clock on his bedside table. My eyes drifted in that direction. 12:45 a.m. it read.
He began to kiss me as he we continued to have sex. He flipped me over and I propped up my ass so that he could enter me from behind. He pounded me. I buried my face into one of his pillows. He leaned down and brought his lips to my ear.
“You see, I am going to make you feel so good. I’m not going to hurt you. Give me a chance.”
He flipped me back over and entered me again placing my left leg on his shoulder. He fucked me with a fervor I had never experienced. Suddenly he came, throwing his head back. When he was done, he collapsed on top of me. My eyes found the clock again. 1:59 a.m. it read.
My goodness he’s a beast!
I was exhausted and so was he. I laid there next to him with my mind going crazy. I wasn’t pleased with myself. I could hear his breathing slow and I knew that he had fallen asleep. I didn’t plan to sleep next to him. I went to sit up and climb out of the bed when the door swung open and slammed into the wall. The sound made us both jump.
“When you called me and told me you left that motherfucker I was worried,” Mikey began. Then he leaned against the door frame grinning from ear to ear. “But, I see you are being well taken care of.”
Kenneth grabbed a pair of socks from the floor and threw it at the door.
“Get the fuck out, Mikey!”
Mikey laughed and closed the door behind him.
Kenneth leaned over and kissed me. We made out for awhile and then fell asleep.
I awoke in the middle of the night to a noise coming from the corner of the room. I looked over and realized his door was cracked. Suddenly his puppy, a chocolate lab, jumped on the bed and curled up by his feet.
I climbed out of bed and the dog seemed happy to see me move. He climbed in my spot and fell immediately to sleep.
I grabbed my clothes and exited the room. I walked into the living room expecting to see Mikey asleep on the futon. He wasn’t. I guess he expected me to sleep with Kenneth. I dressed and then curled up on the futon. I laid there staring at the blank TV screen. The things that Kenneth said came back to me. He was a nice guy but I didn’t believe him. I knew a guy like him would never be faithful and I could not go from one heartbreak to another.
Staying away from men right now was best for me. It was about time I started to care about that. It was about time that I focused on me. Sorry Kenneth, whether you’re telling the truth or not, it’s not about what you want right now.
I took a deep breath.
I was tired of being used and abused. It was time for what I wanted now. Men would have to take a backseat.
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