Sunday, November 13, 2011 true calling.

Someone asked why me why I chose to write erotica.  I was like a deer caught in headlights. I stumbled around for a while before giving them the plain apple jacks answer (because I just do).
I was dismayed.  I could not believe that when someone asked me that question I had such a hard time answering.  I thought long and hard and this is what I discovered.
When women were little girls we were read books about women turning into princesses and having knights and princes coming to our rescue.  It was the fairy tale dream for every little girl to meet an incredible man to sweep them off their feet.
As a young woman in junior high and high school I was addicted to reading romance novels. My best friend and I would trade them like baseball cards.  I was in love with the love affairs and the strong men falling in love with the women who play hard to get only to falling madly in love when the man when it is almost too late. Just when she thinks she has lost him, he comes running back into her arms and they live happily ever after. 
When I became an adult I had to pull myself away from Romance novels.  I found that it corrupted me to a point where I expected every man in my life to be like the men in those books.  Of course no real man could ever live up to that.  I was disappointed at every turn.  Even after I met a spectacular guy and married him, I still felt disappointed that he wasn’t as romantic as the men in the books.

I at one point thought my calling was to write romance novels. I tried my hand at writing a few. I reasearched romance novels and was told that at the end of the book the two main characters had to fall in love and it had to end with them happy together. I didn't really like having guidelines as to how my book should end.
I got fed up. 
I wanted to write something that was more realistic and I discovered that writing erotica versus romance novels was a better fit for me.  I feel that an erotica novel is closer to the truth.  In an erotica novel you can live happily ever after…but it doesn’t have to. 
When I write I don’t always know if they are going to fall in love, fall in lust or just fuck each other senseless and then move on to more meaningful relationships. 
It’s all up in the air like real life.  It doesn’t always end a happily and sometimes you may not want it to. You may not be looking for that. Erotica is more like real life.  You live you love you fuck the wrong guy a bunch of times he breaks your heart or you break his and you move on.
That’s life and that’s the way I write.

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