The past brings me down.
You must not brood over the past. I hear that all the time but in my head I cannot help but to be haunted by it.
The past has always been something that haunted me. It was so difficult to let things go. I felt that I needed to hold onto things lest I forget and repeat my mistakes.
We all make mistakes. It is human nature.
I wondered why my mistakes and my past seemed to disturb me. It was because I let them.
They play over and over in my mind like a bad movie or an awful nightmare that I just cannot wake up from. They leave tightness in my chest and I feel like I cannot breathe.
It leaves resentment and anger.
I can try to not think about it but it is always there. Never wandering and never leaving. It feels as if my soul is forever captured by the past.
It blocks my present and blocks my future.
It has gotten better over time. But it never goes away. When one thing is gone and forgotten, something else takes its place and I am back right where I started.
My fear is of falling back under the spell of temptation and repeating those mistakes and grabbing the past by the tale and bringing it back into my future.
The past brings me down…