Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Warning: I will cry buckets!

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water. ~Antoine Rivarol

It’s okay to cry.

I have always felt that. People who are close to me know that I can cry at the drop of a hat.  Crying to me is nourishing and refreshing. 

Since I was very young I have cried to feel better.  It is as simple as that.  I am so sensitive.

I cry when I shop for greeting cards.  My sisters used to be so embarrassed to stand in the card aisle with me because I will read one card and the water works will start. 

Normally the card that makes me cry the hardest is the card I normally buy.  I embarrass myself crying for no damn reason.

Crying my way of shedding my skin and letting go of what has me bogged down and bummed out.  It is a release and after I cry I feel a sense of okay, now I can go about my day. I can breathe again. 

My husband would always ask me why I cry when he goes to sleep or why I wait to cry alone.  It is so hard to explain but I try to anyway.

When I cry, I just like to do it with until there are no more tears left.  Sometimes when I am in pain and there are no words to express my pain or my emotions I just need to cry and get it all out.  Sometimes those that you love feel the need to solve things and pressure you by asking what’s wrong, why are you crying. I really do not need anyone to solve things right now.  I just want to cry.  Let me do that first and then maybe I will be at a point where I could verbalize my emotions.

I used to be afraid to cry around my 3 year old. She didn’t understand that crying makes me feel better. Recently I was sitting and crying. I was thinking about my mother and I started to miss her and I began to cry. My daughter sees me and asked me why I am crying.  I tell her it’s because I miss my mommy.  She rubs my back and gives me a hug and tells me it’s ok.

That made me feel so loved and so good.  My daughter gets it. I don’t need someone to tell me to stop crying or get it together. I just need a hug and someone there that cares.

I remember when I was in college and one of my sorority sisters was in her room crying and no one was there to comfort her I went into her room and just rubbed her back and let her cry.  I didn’t ask her why she was crying and I did not ask her to stop. I just let her get it out and when it was over she felt better and she moved on.

That is what I would want someone to do for me.  I am crying because there are some feelings that I have that I cannot verbalize.  Therefore, I can’t tell you why I am crying.  I just want you to hold me and love me and just let me cry and get it out. 

I will cry that is a given and I will cry buckets, but just know that it is my way of feeling better and feeling rejuvenated. 

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