Friday, December 2, 2011

Confessions of an Erotic Writer

I’m no literary genius or anything. I’m just a simple girl from Gary, Indiana that loves to write.
I write what I write as an expression of my passion and my life experiences.  I am young; of course my experience on this planet is limited.  I grew up in a family of 9 children.  I use to feel lost amongst them and I would hide out and write and not let anyone in on my innermost thoughts and ultimately obsessions. 
I have always felt that no one knew the real me.  I guess that is the interesting mystery about me.  Yet, I felt like it hindered my writing.  A writer’s work can be a window into their souls and their personalities, whether they intended it or like that fact.
I must confess that my writings and my works are a product of my innermost thoughts, fantasies and my very own imagination and therefore a window into the real me. 
This is a onetime deal and I will never do this again, but… I have some confessions to make.

Confession #1: I found out at an early age that I was fascinated by sex.  It wasn’t just sex.  It was romance and sex.  Those two always went hand and hand with me.  My first kiss was in kindergarten and my first tongue kiss was in second grade.  I was quite precocious.

Confession #2: I was always afraid to fail so I worked at only the things that I thought that I could succeed at.  I focused on my academics and my writing.

Confession #3: I used to be very insecure.  I was always teased about having dark skin and I never thought my dark skin was beautiful.

Confession #4: I was always a sensitive kid. I cried at the drop of a hat and I wore my emotions on my sleeve. My skin is not as tough as it appears. 

Confession#5: I have a fascination with older white men.  I don’t know how to explain it but they really turn me on. I have had this obsession since I was 14.  I blame the romance novels that I could get my hands on.  None of them depicted black men this way.

Confession#6: I don’t like it when people do not like me.  I always assume that if someone does not like what I have to say or what I do they must not like me. 

Confession#7: I always dwell on the negative things.  I blame it on my fear of rejection and of failing.  I feel if I focus on the negative I will not be disappointed.

Confession#8: My husband is the only person who can read me like a book.  He knows me better than I know myself.  I can’t hide anything from him.

Confession #9: I have a very bad temper.  I believe it has something to do with my emotions that are extremely intense.

Confessions #10: I want nothing more than to be loyal to the ones that I love and I expect the same from them.

These are confessions. Some of these are things that as I get older they get better.  I strive to be better person and to be a better me at all times.  That means that I must learn from all my faults and my mistakes. I cannot dwell on them.  The experience helps me to make me a better writer.  I know that not everyone will like or agree with what I have to say or with what I do.  But that is okay because I don’t always agree and like everything that other people have to say or do.  That is life. 
When it all comes down, I’m just a girl from Gary, Indiana who loves to write and is not ashamed to admit that I have faults and I make mistakes. I’m no literary genius, but experiences make the writer.
I live I learn and I write…

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