Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Prohibited...my breakthrough


For the first time in my life, I have thrown caution to the wind and not thought what other people are going say about me.

I just wrote, completed, published and sold my very first novel Prohibited! I am excited, relieved, anxious, and nervous. Some days I do not know what to do with myself. 

I am so afraid of people not liking my book.  I am afraid they will read it and think that it sucks and they never want to read anything else from me again.

I believe that is what stopped me from completing my book sooner.  I was always afraid.  I do not like rejection and I do not like it when people judge or criticize me. That is why I pride myself on not placing judgment on people

That fear kept me paralyzed for awhile. Sometimes I would be in tears thinking that I would never make it.  I just wanted things to be safe and comfortable. I didn’t want to move out of my box.  I wanted to keep my stories, ideas and my characters to myself.  They have loved with me and only me for so long. I love them and I love their stories.

I didn’t know what I would do if people got to know them and they didn’t like them.  It would hurt and I do not like to be hurt by anyone. 

I needed someone to snap me out of that and help me to realize that my fear of people not liking my characters is more of a reflection of people not liking me.  in order for me to get over this rut that I was in and just write and share my stories with the people I love (and a crap load of strangers).

I have to learn to put myself out there and take all the criticism and rejection on myself.  When I can get the courage to put myself out there I can find the courage to put my writings out there for the world to see and criticize and judge or whatever they wanted to do.

So, finally…I completed my first novel and it has been selling.  And, some days I am nt sure how I feel about that. I think that Prohibited is an amazing story and I can’t wait for everyone I know to read it but…

There is still that selfish feeling nagging me.  It makes my heart beat and my mind scattered and unfocused.  Yet, I am pushing ahead and waiting on that first good review and …gulp—my first bad review.

I’m trying to grow a tougher skin and have confidence that I am a good writer and that not everyone is going to like what I am doing.

That’s fine and for once it’s not going to stop me!