Monday, June 25, 2012

Childhood and SEX: My Erotic Beginnings

    I took my 11 year old, who will be 12 soon, to her Pediatrician for a check up.  During the check up her doctor informed me that it was time I had “The Talk” with her. He said I might be surprised that girls her age are engaging in sexual acts.
    I cringed that girls that young were having sex and felt punched in the gut at the thought of sitting down and talking to her about sex. 
    I look at her and I think she is still too young and too innocent for me to talk to her about that.  I’m afraid that if I talk to her about it, maybe it might make her more curious and actually try to have sex.
    Then, I got to thinking about how I was at her age and where I was in my sexual experience…
    My first kiss was when I was 5 year old with the little boy that lived next door.
    I was in the second grade the first time I tongue kissed a boy behind the elementary school at recess.
    I was eight years old when I masturbated for the first time.
    Needless to say I was a child very curious of my body and sex in general. I was always fascinated by sex. There was always a desire to see sex and know what it was all about.
    I was a precocious child and as I got older I came to discover that I would be considered a nymphomaniac.
    By middle school and high school, I was letting boys finger me in the library when I was a library assistant. I was flirting with my male teachers (who sometimes flirted back. Ok, that’s another story for another time.), I had teenage boys, who liked me, bringing me Hustler magazines and porno movie they stole from their Dads or older brothers.
     I snuck out one time to meet up with a boy so I could have my pussy eaten for the first time.
     I was masturbating every night and my parents actually had to cancel HBO because they caught me watching “Real Sex”.
    Yet they never once talked to me about sex.  I was their little girl and that was the last thing they wanted to talk to me about.  Come to think of it, my parents had 6 daughters and 3 sons and they never once talked to any of us about sex.
    As far as they were concerned they were happy to have us think that all 9 of us came from “Immaculate Conception”.  Because I was already a child too mature for my age and very curious about sex, I took up the task of educating myself on the matter by experimenting with boys (and girls) and myself every chance I got.
    Sometimes I wish that I had more guidance. Maybe if my parents had the talk with me I would not have been so promiscuous.  (Okay, maybe it would not have helped) However, I think I proved that talking to your child about sex or not may not change whether or not they are going to have sex or not, but it may open the lines of communication on the matter and they may come to you with questions instead of the boy who brings them Hustler mags and fingers them on the school bus. (God,I hope my child is nothing like me in that regards!)
    I hid my sexuality from my parents and got myself into some bad situations on a couple of occasions that could have been avoided if my parents paid more attention.  
So yes, though it really bothers me that I have to have this talk with my daughter, I realize that I want her to have the guidance that I didn’t have.  I want her to know that she can come with me with any questions that she has and that I will be here for her. 
    Once, it’s done I can breathe a sigh of relief that I educated my child and the lines of communication are now open.
    Then I realized…One down and two more to go.  Damn! Why did I have to have all girls!

1 comment:

  1. Great read! We find the topic of childhood sexuality profoundly interesting, as there is usually much to which we can relate. Neither of us started quite as early as you did - for example, I was eleven or twelve when I began consciously masturbating - but we both had that same innate curiosity from a young age. Also, I never missed a new installment of Real Sex.

    -Jack

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