It is painful when you hurt someone you love. The experience is unlike any other. She meant the world to me and I ruined both of our lives in the matter of months. I sat outside in my backyard, our backyard, and thought about her. My Sam. I thought about all the intimate times that we spent together lying in bed listening to the rain hit the windows. I can remember hearing her whisper softly in my ear. “I love you."
She was a lesbian and at one point I believed I was as well. There has never been a man that could make me feel the way that a woman could. Only a woman has managed to love me the way I need to be loved. I only had one boyfriend in my life and he never managed to give me what I needed. It wasn't until I made love to another woman that I truly understood that I was a lesbian.
I knew she was dangerously jealous. Her last girlfriend had to put out a restraining order against her. I ignored her past transgressions because I loved her so much. She was my world and then she was taken from me. She is a jealous woman and I've always known this. She wants me and wants me completely faithfully belonging only to her. So far, I have had no problem being with her and only her.
Yet lately my sexual attraction has been evolving. No longer can I say I am completely and exclusively into women. I have found a man that has pleasured me beyond belief. I have not been honest with her.
He's smiles at me and I melt. He invited me out to lunch and I went. He asked me out to dinner and I went aware of my attraction for him. I didn’t have to tell him I had a woman at home. He already knew about Sam. He met her at a company dinner. I had no choice but to introduce her to my new boss.
His kisses were like diamonds, beautiful and rare, yet foreign to me. My new emotions were foreign.
She stood long and tall with long dark hair. I leaned my body against hers and I could feel the soft caress of her breasts against my back. It was a comfort to have her so close to me. It was this security that helped me to get to sleep at night. Yet I did not know how long that comfort and that security would last.
You see I have betrayed her trust I have betrayed her in a way that goes on anything I could ever have imagined.
Even as her soft hand slid down my naked body and reached the lace at the top of my panties, guilt was threatening to consume me. Though I could not get my betrayal out of my mind when her hand ventured into my panties and found my juicy sweet spot I could only think of the pleasure she was giving me.
After playing with my pussy for a while, we moved to the bed where she spread my legs and inserted fingers inside of me. She always knew how to make me feel good. She was the reason why I never thought that I could ever be with a man. Women were my thing.
She eventually began to eat me and I knew I would be nothing without yet, I knew that I could not stay away from him.
I knew that it was only a matter of time before she found out about him. It came as no surprise that she was angry. She hated men. The thought that I could be with a man was disgusting to her. I could never tell her that I now felt that I could love one.
What was there not to love about him? He was tall dark and handsome. He was the stereotype of a knight in shining armor and I, the damsel in distress, how was I to deny him. He took my body with such force and with such skill I never knew what hit me. He was charming and suave he knew how to make me smile.
One evening, another night where I lied to her and told her that I was working late, I met up with him. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. He was my boss after all. We talked and he continued to feel my glass with champagne knowing that when it came to alcohol I was a lightweight. It would only take one or two drinks before I was tipsy and almost completely out of control.
He was smart and he knew.
Before I knew it I was in his home and his fingers were trailing a path up my thighs. They were searching for my spot searching for my weakness.
When he found it he knew that he had me. His fingers caressed me through my panties and his lips caressed my neck. He whispered sexy things into my ear and then he kissed me. He tasted sweet and bitter like wine and I was too drunk and too intoxicated to do anything but melt into him. He encouraged me to taste him and with wanton abandonment I slowly unzipped his pants. With excitement, I pulled his dick from his pants and took it into my hands slowly stroking it at first.
His moans fueled my fire and I began to stroke him faster. His hands migrated to my head and his fingers tangled in my hair. I licked and sucked on him. For some reason, a reason that I cannot comprehend, I wanted to taste his cum. I worked hard for it but it never came. Instead, he had me lay on the floor with my legs spread. His head dipped in between them and his tongue made contact with my clit over and over again.
I continued to see him and there were plenty of encounters often sometimes in his office sometimes on my desk but most of the time in his home, in his bed screaming and moaning and calling his name.
My encounters with him increased in number and soon any free time I had away from Sam was with him. I felt like I needed him and soon I knew that I loved him too. I loved him and Sam and I didn't know what to do.
It all came apart one evening when I came home from work and found Sam sitting silently on the couch. She didn't look like herself. I dropped my bag to the floor and took a couple steps toward her.
"Sam?" I called to her.
She looked up at me and when I saw her face a gasp escaped from my lips. Her face was flushed and her eyes were red and puffy. She was holding my phone in her hands. After a few seconds it dawned on me. I knew that she knew and my body filled with dread and fear. Suddenly without warning, she threw my phone at me. I ducked just in time and it flew over my head and slammed into the wall. It shattered into three different pieces.
"Sam! What is that for?"
She stood and began to walk towards me.
"You cheating bitch!"
I struggled to find the words to calm her down. I wasn't sure if there was a way to calm her down. I just knew that I didn't like the look in her eyes.
"Sam please let me explain…" She interrupted my words with a scream that sounded more anima than human. Her scream frightened me and I took a few steps back. I didn't like putting her through this pain. The last thing I wanted was for her to find out like this. Yet I knew that there was no use talking to her when she got like this. Right before my eyes she exploded.
Her rage knew no bounds. I ducked and dodged as she threw furniture and breakables around the room.
"Sam, please stop!" I yelled.
She didn't care. She just continued to fume and destroy our house. Eventually her rage turned on me.
"You nasty bitch!" She screamed smacking me across the face.
I fell to the floor afraid to get up. She bent down and pulled me by my hair.
"You want dick bitch!" She turned from me at that moment and walked over to the desk.
She opened the bottom drawer and reached in pulling out one of our largest dildos that we use in our sexual acts. I didn't have a clue as to what she planned to do with it but it didn't take long before I found out. She came over to me and reached down and grabbed me by the hair and practically pulling me across the smooth laminate floor.
"Lay on your back!" She screamed.
"ON YOUR BACK!"
Her words finally penetrated my fucked up brain and I rolled onto my back. She climbed down to join me and forcefully ripped my panties from my body. She powerfully parted my legs and without hesitating she shoved in the large dildo.
"Sam!" I screamed trying to crawl backwards away from the pain.
It was no use she grabbed my legs and continued to fuck me with the dildo. She screamed for me to take the punishment and I lay there with tears pouring down my face. I just laid there and took it as she forcefully continued to fuck me over and over again. She shoved it in and out of my pussy. It was painful at first but then the pleasure took over me. Moans began to escape from my mouth and I could not help but to call her name. I came hard collapsing onto the floor. She pulled it out and set back on her heels. It surprised me when she began to cry.
"You love him!" She said referring to the last text that I sent him
The disgust on her face made me ashamed. I didn't want her to look at me like that. Where is the love she used to have for me? I knew then that things were going to change. I just didn't realize or even have a clue how much.