Monday, April 29, 2013

A is for Alexis





Alexis is the name of the girl that gave me my first same-sex kiss.






For most of my childhood I had a suspicion of myself that I was not only attracted to members of the same sex. I was frightened by this realization so I decided that it wasn't true. 
I prayed that it was a phase and that it was something I could either suppress or something that would fade away all together.
My senior year in high school toward the end of the year when seniors were skipping and teachers were no longer giving out assignments, my friend Alexis and I were invited to the house of one of our male classmates. I knew that if we went something might happen but I had no clue what would happen and what emotions it would stir in me.
I knew that she was bisexual but at that time in my life I wasn't completely sure what that really meant and that was not a term that I would use to describe myself.
Up until then I never thought that I would ever in my life get that close to another girl or that I would enjoy it if I did. I thought that all my feelings were just fantasies and were good for me when I wrote from a male’s perspective.
Eventually when we arrived at the house, we began to play Truth or Dare. We were dared to flash the guys or asked truths about ourselves that we weren't sure we wanted to confess. Then the inevitable happened.
They dared her and me to kiss.
My first reaction was to say no but deep down I realized that I really wanted it to happen.
We stood and got very close. I could smell her and she smelled really good. I started to panic when I discovered that a huge part of me wanted this to happen. I wanted to kiss her and it frightened me when I realized that. When our lips met, I realized that I started to tingle and throb between my thighs and I didn't want it to end. Her tongue played around mine and one of the guys thinking this was funny placed her hand on my right breast. She was soft and smooth as my hand caressed her bare arm.
When the kiss was over, we continued the game for a few more minutes but I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss and how it made me feel. I realized that it turned me on but I didn't really it would be the start to me becoming the person I am today.
11 years later and I still think about that kiss. I didn't know it at the time but that kiss opened the door for me to start accepting myself. It began my journey to find out who I really was and it pushed me on the road to gain the courage to write the stories that I write.

1 comment:

  1. Donnee,
    Such a wonderful story of how you started to accept yourself. I love your honesty and openness in your writing.
    Thanks for sharing and allowing us to know you better.
    Joan

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