Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Erotic Housewife Checks-In: Writing and Family

“Writing is a solitary occupation. Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer. He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking.” ~Jessamyn West

I have to be alone when I write. It is one of my eccentric qualities. I need to be alone when I write because if I am not, the characters in my head will not talk to me.
That is how I worked when I was a brooding teenager locked up in my room like I was Rapunzel locked in my tower unable to leave trapped by the people in my head begging me to tell their tales.  
College was no different. I could not write unless I was left alone drowning in my element lost in my own mind. Only a completed piece of work could unhook me from the characters in my mind.
That is until I was married and decide to have kids.
As a full-fledged adult with a husband, three beautiful daughters and a cat, I realized that my new reality on various occasions was that I am never alone. If it rarely happens, there’s always something else to occupy my time other than what I would really prefer to be doing at that moment.
It hit me quickly.
When I first discovered that out.
I kept thinking: “You are the mother to three chatty, needy and curious little girls. You should have discovered by now that your writing style probably needs to change. Alone was not a word I was familiar with anymore. I didn’t even have alone time in the bathroom, let alone time to write a peace.
Then there is the opportunity to be in my element to write.
I write erotica and erotic romance and there is no way to get into my element to write when you have a two year old and a five-year that need your attention every second of every day. I get interrupted by them asking for juice, a comb to do Barbie’s hair, a snack or “please tell my sister stop hitting me”.
Trust me.
It is very difficult to write an extremely intimate on extremely erotic scene in a novel with Dora the Explorer or The Bubble Guppies playing in the background.
So frustrating!
But this erotic housewife and mommy knows that my love for writing is comes 2nd to my love for my family. So I must adapt to this new reality of mine and find a way to do both. Enjoy my family and do what I love to do-write.
My solution?
I knew I had to make time for my family and if we are to eat and have sheltering than I need to write. Okay… maybe writing to eat or have shelter is an exaggeration. A better way of putting it is, I needed to write for my sanity.
I decided that during the day I would focus on my girls and my husband and night I would write. I get my best ideas at night anyway. Granted it does impede on my hours to sleep but honestly, I would much rather write than sleep.
So, now I am a night owl who has decided that the daytime is only for my family and the night time is for my writing. When they are all asleep I write like mad in quiet. As I am typing this now it is midnight.
Just me, my laptop, my pen, my paper and recently my Dragon software.
Just as it should be when I write.


  1. Hi, Donnee.
    I'm the same way. Some folks can write in coffee shops etc..not me..I need to be alone, quiet, I can't even have music on. Loved the quote!

  2. I hear this loud and clear. Do one thing and do it well, then do the next thing. Nothing beats solitude for writing. TR

  3. I agree. do one thing, do it well then do the next thing. Focus is essential. I hope to meet you at the WOK meeting Saturday. TR

  4. I can't have noise going on, like television or music. I can tune out people talking to me (unless they demand an answer or my undivided attention) but for the most part I prefer to write by myself so I can get caught up in the story and characters.
    I do own a "writing hat". If nothing else, I'll put on my hat and everyone knows they need to leave my alone. :)

  5. I'm the same way. Dad, father in the day. Night owl writer at night. But I do carry a recorder with me when I'm outside doing yard work. I have the best poems pop up when I'm working for some reason...

  6. I can certainly sympathize. Writing is hard when someone else is around. But inspiration, that's another story for me. The past couple weeks I've gone to our local open mic and while all those other people were around I got inspiration and wrote notes that have since become a couple poems, a song (not quite done) a short play, and I forget what else. But the writing afterwards. That I did alone.

  7. My best time is early morning. In the drowsing time between sleep and wakefulness, phrases, characters, titles, solutions just pop into my head. I am usually alone then, as my partner sleeps later. It's good, productive writing time.

    I've also taken my practice notebook (Thank you, Natalie Goldberg) to coffee shops and diners and written. That's cool, too.

    Thanks, Donnee. xoA