Monday, December 2, 2013

W is for...

is for...Whoever said the family that prays together stays together is crazy…I call bullshit!

The saying goes “The family that prays together stays together”.
But what happens when no one in the family believes the same things. They have different priorities and values?
Religion was not the key to holding my family together. Our religious foundation was Baptist but deep down we were free to go in different directions and with nine children it is inevitable that they would not all believe the same things.
Raised in the same house I have learned means nothing. Raised by the same parents means nothing. What you become and what you value can be in some shape or form produced by your parents but the bottom line is your life is yours and how you choose to live it is all on you.
There is more than just one road for a family to take to success and there are just as many roads to failure as well.
Let’s discuss the “fist” analogy.  They say a family should be like a fist. It is only when all five fingers are
united and connected that the family can stand together strong and as the saying goes “throw a mighty blow”.
Well, what happens when you lose a finger?
When an important member of the family is gone?
For years our family was strong. There were fights and squabbles and misunderstandings but we held firm and we all knew that we had each other’s backs.
Or so we thought.
We respected each other and deep down, we all had the same values and morals instilled in us.
Or so we thought.
We lost a vital piece to our family puzzle.
My mother.
Once she passed away…all hell broke loose.
We learned not only did we not share the same values, we went from one extreme to another. I found that respect for one another was lacking in the extreme. Family members started stealing money and property from others, some became so engrossed in their religious beliefs they lost sight of the love that siblings should share with one another.
I took the ultimate risk in coming out as bisexual to my family in hopes that I was wrong and that we truly did respect each other and cared for each other unconditionally and that we were loyal and had each other’s backs.
Unfortunately I was right in my assessment. True love and respect was not there.
Once I came out…I discovered that I was not loved unconditionally by all my siblings. I was called wicked and damned to hell by one sibling and that sentiment was backed up by another.
Another sibling was upset with me when (and I agree face book was not the method I should have used to joke about such things) I said that he was scrappy doo implying that he was a dog. Girlfriend #463 became upset and of course he blamed me.  Not the fact that he is indeed a dog and treats women like garbage.
This is the same sibling that was paid in full to fix my parents roof which was falling apart and only finished half.
The same sibling that stole my portable cd player when I was in high school because it looked exactly like the one he lost of his girlfriends.
The same sibling that took my sisters car and never paid for it.
The same sibling that used the plates off her car, put them on his wife’s van, drove through the I-Pass lane without an I-Pass to take his mistress to her family reunion. The same sibling that when the bill came for the I-pass and they threatened to suspend my sisters license because of it lied to my parents about paying it and so my parents had to foot the bill.
The same sibling who deserted us when I was little and the family was struggling had our power turned off and he found somewhere else to stay instead of staying with us.
The same sibling who every chance he got tried to get me in trouble.
The same sibling with a gambling problem and keeps trying to hit everyone up for cash by telling them he is being paid to build a Wendy’s.
The same sibling who called and asked me for my debit card information so he could get cable.
The same sibling that asked to borrow another siblings tires.
The same sibling that has been in jail multiple times for non-payment of child support.
This sibling proceeded to call me a bitch, then because I came out as bisexual called me a nasty bitch even though I have been faithfully married to my husband for 7 years. He then said he would fuck me up when he saw me and said fuck me and my UGLY KIDS and so on and so on and so on…
I introduce you to my brother ladies and gentlemen.

I realized that we all pretended to respect each other because we loved and respected our mother. She was our rock and we were so afraid of her that we pretended to care about each other. Once she was gone…no one pretended anymore.
No one believes the same thing, no one values the same thing and some of us are selfish and don’t giving a flying fuck about the others.
They say the family that prays together stays together. Not this family. No way. We had one thing holding us together and she is gone.

It’s only downhill from here.


  1. Donnee,
    I can feel the pain you have experienced in this post. Yes, your mother helped hold the family together, but when she was gone it seemed everyone reverted to their true selves.

    Be proud of who you are - a great writer, mother, spouse and friend. Whatever they are - it's their choice.

    Continue to choose to be great - because you are! :)

  2. Donnee, what a post. What a revelation. What pain these happenings must have caused you. It all comes through in your writing.

    Natalie Goldberg tells us to write about the things we dare not/should not write about to get to our authentic voice and some damn good writing. You have it, girl.

    Thank you for your courage and for being real.


  3. I hear you, loud and clear. I have had my family go crazy when my mom died and then even crazier when one of my three sisters was killed in a car accident (the late sister had kept the crazies somewhat under control when Mom died).

    Though your particular sibling may be the proze-winner, I've a brother and a sister to tell you about sometime. We file those siblings in the "toxic relative" file and keep them there! Blood may be thicker than than water, but water is whole lot healthier.