Sunday, December 8, 2013

Z is for...









 is for Zoetic





Life.
Existing.
Sustaining.
Zoetic.
Zoetic means something that is vital to life, like breathing.
Being a mom, I sometimes forget what is vital for my own survival.
My dad just told me that I spend so much time taking in everyone else’s hurt and pain that I become depressed and unable to function. I take care of three daughters, a husband, a cat. I worry about my family, friends and anyone else I feel I can help in anyway.
I always forget about myself and I need to survive. What is vital in my life to keep me going and running smoothly?
I lose touch of myself sometimes.
For most of my life I lost touch with myself and what I wanted. I never worried about what I wanted.
In the past 5 years, I adopted a child, gave birth to two children, moved across the country away from family and friends, I lost my mother, 3 uncles and an aunt.
Sometimes I forget to breathe. I forget to just be in the moment and just take it one step at a time. I rush through life impatient wondering who is going to die next or am I next and what I want to accomplish before I am called home for good.
I didn’t know where my place was in life.
There were fleeting moments when I thought if I was gone no one would miss. me I wasn’t that special and there is no way I could have made an impact on anyone’s life. 
I didn’t end my life of course because eventually my depression would subside enough so that I can see that I was kidding myself.
It’s just so hard to breathe sometimes. Especially when you have family issues and siblings posting on facebook that you’re going to Hell. It gets so hard sometimes.
But I talked to my dad and two sisters and they made sure that I knew they loved me no matter what.
Bisexual, Erotic romance writer and all.
What is key to my survival is surrounding myself with those that love me. That is the key to me seeing that if I were gone I would be missed. I still have so much to accomplish and what I have accomplished knowing that they are proud of me whether I am on the New York Times best sellers’ list or just making a few bucks here or there.
Zoetic.
Vital.
Breathing.
Being
Existing in this world and knowing that I have a place here. 

3 comments:

  1. Donnee,
    You definitely have a place here. And you don't just exist, you bring joy and friendship to the people around you. I am a better person from knowing you and appreciate your friendship.

    Yes, you have a lot on your plate. And yes, sometimes it's hard to see if you've made any difference at all. But, focus on the good - the positive and see yourself in that light.

    Those that speak out against you don't see who you really are, as your true friends do.

    Remember to breathe and look ahead to all the wonderful things life has in store for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Existing in this world and knowing that I have a place here."
    You do, and we are honored to have you among us. Thanks for educating me on this word and using your life as an example of its meaning. Priceless. xoA

    ReplyDelete
  3. Reading your posts has taught me so much and made me think. Zoetic. It is etched in my mind forever.

    ReplyDelete